The Choice

Posted on Feb 22 2020
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What follows a diagnosis of breast cancer is a series of hospital appointments to test the stage and grade of the cancer. Mine being what they call primary breast cancer DCIS, which translates into Ductal Carcinoma in-situ, high grade. As far as they can see from the tests that they have done the cancer seems to be contained within the milk ducts on my right breast, and it appears not to have spread to my lymph nodes. I feel really well.

Then there is the breaking of the said news to your nearest and dearest; dealing with their reactions, fears, as well as processing the myriad of emotions that you are going through...And, then the uncertainty you feel whilst waiting for the test results.

Nobody in their right mind would choose to have a breast biopsy on their birthday but on December 5th 2019 I spent the morning at the hospital, and the rest of the day recovering at home afterwards... This was the 2nd biopsy which went into a new spot on my breast to test another lump...For anyone who has had a mammogram, or biopsy for that matter, you will know that it's not the most pleasant of experiences...Having your breast in a vice, x-rays taken and then having a needle inserted deep into the tissue to draw out the cells to be tested.

The hospital have a really high tech machine, which reminded me of one of those gadgets you get for coring an apple, if you want to go graphic. Kudos to all the NHS staff who have been brilliant throughout. I held the intention of having the highest level of treatment and support from all the nurses, radiographers and doctors...During the MRI scan, which is one heck of a noisy machine by the way, I was programming the radio waves that were going in to be filling my whole body and all my cells with the highest frequency of light codes and love....I have received the best care, advice and treatment plan. After all these tests I have been recommended to have a mastectomy of my right breast, followed by reconstructive surgery.

Knowing that knowledge is power... For the last few months I have been walking down three paths to help me make a decision on which direction I want to go in with regard to treating this; mastectomy only, mastectomy with immediate reconstructive surgery or following the natural route. There have been funny moments along the way....You got to find the humour right!? Like a conversation I had with a friend who didn't fully understand what having a breast reconstruction procedure involves...She would have had me looking like a patch work doll with all the places that she was suggesting that they take the fat and tissue from my body...I laughed and cried at the same time.

Everyone reacts differently to a diagnosis of breast cancer. There are some who would say get me to the hospital ASAP 'I want it cut out'. My reaction, apart from the shock, has been a fear of having surgery and the disruption to my life. Also, how cosmetically my body would look and feel afterwards.... There is also the side of me, with 20 years background in energy healing and previous experience of creating the right conditions for my body to heal from adrenal burnout and an autoimmune disorder, that wants to follow my bodies wisdom with regards to dealing with this.

I have chosen to follow my bodies wisdom to see what I can do to dissolve the patterns in me that created this. I have chosen to review things with a follow up scan in a few months time. Not an easy thing telling a surgeon who is doing a wonderful job based on her training and the set of rules that she follows that you want to follow your own path. Then hearing her feedback that if it's left untreated it could spread around your body.

I had a dream you see, a dream that came months before my diagnosis where I saw the word CANCER written in capitals...I remember thinking, as you do...'What the heck is that about?' And then forgetting all about it until it was brought to the forefront of my mind again with my diagnosis...Then another dream shortly afterwards with the words 'The angels have choosen you'.

So I am being taken on a journey to look deeper into my old ways of being and behaving. Beliefs that I have held onto in the past that no longer fit who I am today.... To look at the areas in my life where I am not fulfilled....TO SHAKE THINGS UP and whatever else this state of 'dis at ease' in my body wants to teach me. Being told you have cancer is enough to put the fear of god into anyone, but flipping the 'C' word around and making friends with it is working for me. Cancer, like any state of 'dis ease' that manifests in our bodies wants to be accepted, understood and loved.

Thank you Cancer for coming into my life and showing me where I am out of balance.

Thank you for showing me how to bring myself back into balance. 

If you are being affected by any physical aliments just now then I would invite you to put your hands on that part of your body. Give it some love. Thank it for being there and ask it what message it has for you and what you can do to support your body to bring it back into balance. I would invite you to extend this out to the world just now and to all who are being affected by the Corona Virus. Thank the virus for being there. It is an entity that needs our love. Give it your love and ask it what we can do in ourselves and in our world right now to bring it back into balance and release the virus with love.

So far I've been doing self-healing, meditation, journaling, affirmations and forgiveness work. I have made some dietary tweaks and been taking chinese mushroom powders. I've had psychotherapy, which has always been my go to for any of my life challenges to date. I have also been reaping the benefit of a plethora of energy healing sessions from the healers who I have been drawn to work with. I am also receiving support and guidance from the galactic & angelic aspects of myself who are working through me....This is not the first time I've gone through an awakening process...I am feeling the relief of taking the power back into my own hands. I've got my happy face on.

We are all moving through our personal and global challenges just now as we open our hearts to who we truly are and the resources we have within us to change our reality- if its no longer serving us...In the cold light of day I am feeling the fears that are coming up in my body, with my mind saying 'have I made the right decision?' As well as dealing with all the 'stuff' that life continues to present on a daily basis, including other folks reaction to my decision - i.e. my reaction to their reaction, sharing from my heart, pulling no punches and sharing about this sensitive subject that touches so many peoples lives....Cancer is an illness that knocks down our barriers. Cancer is an illness that gives us the permission to be good to ourselves.

I will be sharing my ongoing journey to date in a series of blogs and via my facebook page.

Much love


Point of note; I wrote this several months ago when I was in a very different space in myself in terms of dealing with this state of 'dis at ease' in my body. I know now that I have come through a big energetic upgrade. I have been clearing another layer of old ancestral, present/past life programming and have returned to my original soul blueprint of wholeness and wellness. However, I wanted to start at the beginning of the story and share with you all how its unfolding.

I want to thank the beautiful women who have supported me with their unique skill sets. 
Marianne Beare
Fiona Bonner
Dr Kate James
Susie Clouston
Dawn Alexander
Zoe Touissant


Last changed: Mar 16 2020 at 11:14 AM



Lola By Unknown on Mar 05 2020 at 6:55 PM
Hi Jill, I have been through both of your texts. Thank you for sharing your personal journey and your emotions. I am touched.

Even though it is a big journey who brings plenty strong feelings, fear and doubts, do not loose hope. Never. As you said, you are going to kick his ass! :-)

Take care of yourself and keep in your heart that you are not alone, never!


Lola x

By Unknown on Mar 06 2020 at 11:20 AM
Lola, Beautiful heart. You make a good point about never being alone, despite how we may feel when we go through a challenging experience. It provides an invitation for us to open ourselves up to being more authentic & vulnerable. We get in touch with our inner strength and deepen our connection with those around us.
Much love Jillian xx
Living Consciously! By Unknown on Mar 10 2020 at 7:30 PM
I think you've made the right choice for you, Jill. And I think you will find the wonderful book "Conscious Medicine", by Debbie Shapiro, a great support and guide. She healed herself from cancer and I believe that this book should be mandatory reading for all doctors on the power of conscious and focused intent! Yes, I'm sure you'll find the message that this cancer carries for you, and you'll find a peaceful and loving outcome. 💜🙏💜
Living Consciously! By Unknown on Mar 10 2020 at 7:31 PM
I think you've made the right choice for you, Jill. And I think you will find the wonderful book "Conscious Medicine", by Debbie Shapiro, a great support and guide. She healed herself from cancer and I believe that this book should be mandatory reading for all doctors on the power of conscious and focused intent! Yes, I'm sure you'll find the message that this cancer carries for you, and you'll find a peaceful and loving outcome. 💜🙏💜 Love, Ruth x
Living Consciously By Unknown on Mar 10 2020 at 7:35 PM
Sorry, Jill, I got the author's name wrong - it's Gill Edwards (she wrote the great book "Living Magically")
Love, Ruth x
By Unknown on Mar 11 2020 at 9:31 PM
Thank you Ruth for your information. I will check it out. :) I have read her book Wild Love which is also worth a look. Much love xx

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